Self-Love needs your kindness
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Self-Love needs your kindness

One of the big challenges you will meet when you start off on the path of Self-Love is being kind to yourself. This is something most people struggle with because we are so used to being hard on ourselves. We are used to push and punish ourselves. Push ourselves to do or be better and punish ourselves for our mistakes.

The other side of our push and punish pattern is to let ourselves off the hook, to give in to our longing for consolation. The cigarettes we smoke, the amount of alcohol we drink, the kind and the amount of comfort food we eat, the drugs we use, the amount of time we are on our screens, the amount of porn we watch, are all examples of distractions we need to restore the balance. The natural balance between being hard on ourselves and letting ourselves off the hook.

Pain or pleasure pattern

All this really is, is you living the pain or pleasure pattern. These are the two pre-programmed default choices we seem to have in life.

But something most people don’t know is that there is a third way.

The minute you start to actively choose for Self-Love you will start on this 3rd way because Self-Love invites you to actively dismantle this pain and pleasure pattern in your life.

  • Self-Love invites you to be kind to your pain.
  • Self-Love invites you to be real about your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to accept your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to love your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to forgive yourself for your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to thank your pain for the lessons it gave you
  • Self-Love invites you to acknowledge your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to heal your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to finally let go of your pain

And at the same time

  • Self-Love invites you to be real about your pleasure choices
  • Self-Love invites you to acknowledge that you choose pleasure to avoid your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to accept that you choose pleasure to avoid your pain
  • Self-Love invites you to forgive yourself for your pleasure choices
  • Self-Love invites you to thank your pleasure choices for the solace they give you
  • Self-Love invites you to thank your pleasure choices for the lessons they give you
  • Self-Love invites you to heal your pleasure choices
  • Self-Love invites you to re-evaluate your pleasure choices
  • Self-Love invites you to let go of your pleasure choices

The paradox here is that the minute you deeply acknowledge your pain you will see that the pleasure pattern you adopted, to restore the balance, is in reality nothing but a choice that enforces your pain.

The minute you deeply acknowledge your pleasure choices you will see that they were necessary in your life to cover up the pain of your unhealed emotions, your unhealed memories, your limiting beliefs, your negative self-talk, and your negative self-image.

In reality, your pain and pleasure pattern shades your Self-Love.

Self-Love, on the other hand, invites you to see through and let go of your pain and pleasure pattern by loving the living hell out of yourself.

Kindness

So what is kindness here? Kindness is not about you not being allowed to choose pleasure. Kindness is about you being free to choose what you really need to do or what you need to let go off to increase your Self-Love.

About the author
We are Briant [1958] & Jaldhara [1960] both Dutch. We touch, move and inspire YOU to increase your Self-Love, your Self-Healing ability and your Autonomy every day. We are the authors of the e-book ‘How to Live The Life You Love’ and we are the creators of the '7 steps to R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Self-Love' and the 'Self-Love DNA'.