How do I know that I don’t have enough Self-Love?
How do I know that I don’t have enough Self-Love?
24 September 2018 

How do I know that I don’t have enough Self-Love?

Let’s start by giving you the following 5 examples:

  • You are unhappy and you numb yourself with food/sweets/drinking/smoking
  • You are unhappy and you numb yourself with working long hours
  • You are unhappy and you numb yourself with Internet/TV
  • You are unhappy and you numb yourself with videos/sex/porn
  • You are unhappy and you numb yourself with shopping

You are unhappy and you numb yourself

These 5 examples all have 1 common denominator: You are unhappy and you numb yourself. And that is actually always an indication of a deeper cause being present.

If you are incidentally being unhappy and you drink a bottle of wine all by yourself, you’ll be fine, nothing to worry about. But if you’re feeling unhappy all the time and you’re numbing yourself with… eating, smoking, drinking, snacking, doing drugs, working long hours, procrastinating, internet, TV, videos, sex, porn, shopping or your next new tattoo, it’s definitely a pattern, a habit.

And the odd thing with this is that sometimes you don’t even recognize that you’re being miserable and unhappy because that feeling has been with you for so long. And yet, it’s true, you really are unhappy, otherwise, you wouldn’t need to numb yourself, it is that simple. When you’re being really honest with yourself, deep down inside you know if you are numbing yourself with one or more of the things we mentioned above.

To explore this a bit more we invite you to do the following exercise:
Make a deal with yourself that you DON’T numb yourself with ANY of the things we mentioned
before, for 1 whole day. So NO TV, Internet, shopping, indulging, smoking, drinking etc.

.

And at the end of the day, just before going to bed sober and hungry, write in your journal or
on your computer exactly how you’ve been feeling that day. What did you miss and why?

.
What insights did you get out of this exercise? What else did you get out of this exercise?

Do I really love myself and do I really love my life?

If you numb yourself on a regular basis, there are really only 2 questions you have to ask yourself: ‘Do I really love myself and do I really love my life’? These are 2 very confronting questions, we know. And yet it’s so important to ask yourself exactly these questions when you regularly numb yourself. And chances are that you’ll answer both questions with ‘NO’.

Is that a bad thing? No, it’s certainly not as bad as the things that you have gone through, the things that happened to you. Yes, it’s painful, it hurts and it’s unpleasant. By asking yourself these 2 questions you immediately feel your pain, your sadness, your loneliness, your helplessness or your anger. And that is very unpleasant. Who in their right mind wants to feel that 
voluntarily? Normally these are feelings that you want to stay far away from. 

And do these feelings go away by simply denying them? Do these feelings go away by numbing yourself? You know the answer to that is ‘NO’. The only way you’ll get rid of these feelings forever is by recognizing them and by acknowledging them and by learning to love these feelings. And through all that you will be learning to love yourself. We call this RADICAL Self-Love. It’s the best and the only remedy to cure emotional pain and unhappiness at its roots. 

Self-Love sounds so easy 

You might be thinking, ‘well that’s easy for you to say, but for me this really isn’t easy at all’. And you are absolutely right. In theory, it sounds really easy but in reality, it takes a lot of practice and perseverance. Practice to no longer numb yourself and now that they come up, practice to let those unpleasant feelings be. To let them be because they finally want to be recognized and acknowledged. 

Through the years we’ve learned that it really works this way. First of all we ourselves have gone through these stages of not loving ourselves and numbing ourselves to not feel the pain. And once we knew how to love ourselves, we’ve gone through these stages with so many of our clients. Time and time again we see that people who don’t love themselves at first are always numbing exactly that feeling, one way or another. They use food, sweets, snacks, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, work, procrastination, internet, TV, videos, sex, porn, shopping, etc. to numb themselves over and over again. 

By combining our knowledge, of having gone through all this in our own lives and successfully having guided hundreds of clients through exactly this process of learning to love themselves, we have become the experts on RADICAL Self-Love we are today. And not only that, our shamanistic energy medicine we embed in this healing process is getting stronger every day. 

And it’s exactly this energy medicine that we’ll work with extensively in our coming ‘Ibiza Radiance Retreat’. In this Retreat you will learn everything about Radical Self-Love, you will learn to deeply meet and love yourself. Because numbing yourself doesn’t work. Because feeling miserable can’t be denied. Because Self-Love is the only thing that really does work. 

About the author
We are Briant [1958] & Jaldhara [1960] both Dutch. Since 2014 we work and live location independent, preferably in places with sea, sand and sun. We are both online therapists and work together since 1995. We coach, teach and write about Radical Self-Love, a 7-step method on how to love yourself more.